Today has been a little bit rough so far. My insomnia has been acting up lately (is that insane to say? That my insomnia has bad flare ups?), so I didn't get more than 45 minutes of sleep this morning before I had to go to work for the 12 day in a row, and still I was late. I'm having a near impossible time keeping my cool today; I find myself getting irrationally angry at every little thing. And while I recognize that I am being irrational, I somehow can hardly help but to lose my temper. I suspect that the main reason for my lack of sleep is the fact that school starts on August 29th. I haven't been to school in a year, and I am unbelievably nervous for it to begin again. I am afraid that I won't be able to jump back in; that I won't be able to pay for it (tution is significantly higher than I was expecting); that I won't be successful and still be able to work my two jobs (both of which I feel are necessary, largely in order to pay for school in the first place). I watch my peers entering their senior year of college (I'm almost a Junior) and getting real jobs and apartments and husbands and kids and I feel completely and utterly left in the dust. I am struggling to grasp how I can work so hard and still be (or feel?) so hard behind. I feel as though I am waiting for my life to begin, but not actually living it. It's disconcerting to say the least.
I don't really know why I would post this sort of thing on this blog, but its a pervasive feeling, and I had yet to make a post today, so I figured "why not?".
I think that once school has started and I'm a little more in the swing of things, I will feel better, but for now I guess I'll deep clean my bedroom and wait for sleepiness to take over. So far, I have slept about 8 hours this week. We'll see how tonight goes.
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