This is a lesson that I have had a particularly hard time learning. It's been hard for me to learn that I can't effectively take care of the people I love when I'm a mess. It seems somehow selfish to take care of myself and put myself first, but I think it's more selfish to brood in self-loathing and forget what an impact you have on the people around you...

Finals Wrapup

Finals are finally over! I took my last exam today, have just one more paper to do, and I'm done! While I am going to be working two jobs this summer, I hope to spend most of my time reading. I have a box next to my bed with at least 15 half finished books in it, and I fully intend to actually finish every single last one of them before fall semester begins. After that, I'm hoping to break my very bad habit of reading half a book and starting a new one.
The most exciting thing about this summer, though, is that I'm going to be visiting my brothers in Portland, Oregon. My oldest brother, Kylan, moved there in February, and my other brother, David, moved there almost 4 years ago. I don't get to see him very often at all, and it's been years since I was in Portland, so it' s exciting to get to visit for a whole week!
My biggest hope for the summer is that I get a decent savings account started up and start to get to be more financially independent. I hope that I can do this while still recharging for fall semester... After next year, I will have my Associates Degree and on my way to my BA in English Literature!

A Case in Inadvertent Plagiarism

I was recently informed that the piece I posted a few days ago called "Attack of the Marsonians" was originally a classic Calvin and Hobbes comic! Oops!

I guess the idea just stuck in my head! I used to read these comics all the time growing up. My dad has dozens of the books and they've been read probably hundreds of times by everyone in the family. I of course didn't mean to steal Watterson's idea, so I wanted to make a post about inadvertent plagiarism. I'm debating whether deleting the entire story or not though... I realize of course that I have a maximum of 2 readers, but if you happen to have an opinion, do let me know. 

I'm going to work on another piece of fiction to publish on here; hopefully not an exact replica of a classic comic next time! 

In other writing news, I submitted a short story I wrote for my English 2260 class to a literary magazine in the South called The Sun. It was rather odd because they only took submissions through mail, and won't get back to me any sooner than at least 9 months, but I suppose it's worth a go. It's a dream of mine to become a successful author, and while I've been published locally, being published in a national magazine is a whole new step to fulfilling this particular aspiration of mine. Wish me Luck! 

In the Fitting Rooms at Gap...

The other day at work, I was feeling particularly gloomy after having been stuck in the fitting rooms for a full 6 hours, folding an endless pile of clothing and returning it to the sales floor. My feet were killing me, customers were being less than pleasant, and it had been a crappy day altogether. So I'm standing in the fitting rooms entryway, right next to the baby and children's section of the store and this bratty little boy came over and made this nasty face at me and then blew me a raspberry. He seemed grouchy and tired, so I just blew him a raspberry right back. His face took on the most surprised expression I think I've ever seen, and then he burst out laughing. He then proceeded to throw me more ugly faces and moderately disgusting noises and I continued to return them. This went on for at least five minutes, him laughing uncontrollably the whole time, when his mother came to retrieve him. She looked so tired, and somehow relieved that the kid was laughing now instead of crying.
It was the smallest thing to do, play with this little kid, but it made my whole day infinitely better. He was such a sweet kid, and it was a blast to play around for a little bit. It makes me excited for when I have children because while I realize it won't be fun and relaxing most of the time, I do think that the times we have a bit of fun together will make it all worth it.
After the little boy left, I felt a little glum, but those couple of minutes helped power me through the rest of my shift, and made a huge difference in the kind of day I was having. I hope I have that effect on some of the people I meet throughout my days.

Rad The Sockpuppet

Meet Rad the Sockpuppet! I have to do a performance for my Theatre class and I decided to go in the direction of Commedia and Japanese Bunraku. While this probably means beans to most of you, It's very funny. I promise. Anyways. Rad has dreads, beads in his hair, and of course a goatee!

Frank Sinatra live in Seattle

You know he's a superb performer when it feels like he's singing right to you 50 years into the future! I've listened to this 3 times in a row tonight while working on finals, and it never seems to get old!

Invasion of the Marsonians

Mel popped her head out from the shelter of her blankets. She scanned her shadowy room, searching for any sign of alien life. That day at school, Tommy Olsen had informed her of the impressive disguises of the people of Mars,

“Yea Mellie, it’s totally true!”

“It is not Tommy you big egg.”

“It is so! My brother Forrest told me so.”

“My mommy says Aliens aren’t real.” Mellie feigned confidence in her mother then, but was less convinced now, with dark shadows lurking and skipping across the carpet; dancing tauntingly around Mellie Osbourn and her bed. Without warning, a deep crash of lightning streaked over the sky outside the window. Mel retreated under the blanket.

“The Marsonians can move faster than anything, you know.” Tommy Olsen’s voice echoed in her mind. “Maybe you can see just their tail, or a flash of their purple Alien flesh, but then SNAP! They’re gone to who knows where. Maybe they went away, maybe they went under your bed, or in your closet, or maybe they are right next to you!” Tommy cackled and danced around Mel’s table until Mrs. Butters shot him that ugly look of hers-- the one that says to go sit down or else.

Mellie peeked again out the blanket. Another flash of silver lightning darted through the window. Back under the blanket. Mellie sat quivering in her fort for a moment when she had a stroke of brilliance. Just in case. Quick as lighting, Mel flashed across the room and fetched the gun her brother had luckily left in the room when he left for college, then sprinted back through the room back to safety. Breathing heavily, she loaded the gun with the sticky darts as quickly as she could manage and readied herself for action. As she loaded the last round, a shadow appeared by the door. She watched in icy horror as the doorknob turned and the door began to creak open. Mellie took aim, closed her eyes, and bellowed her very best warrior yell.

“AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” She heard the Marsonian stumble and let out a pained yelp. Mel opened her eyes to behold a massive mound with purple and yellow darts stuck to its face. Mellie blinked at the mound, confused.

“Daddy?”

Bad Directional Skills

As I mentioned earlier, this is finals week. Today for the last day of my Jazz History class, we were going over the study guide for the final and wrapping up any last minute items for the end of the semester. We started talking about a question that asked to name a singer and saxophone player and this girl perks up and says, "Well I just put down your name: Professor Roberts!" The entire room went dead silent for, like, 30 seconds and the professor finally said, "Well that's great, but... that's not me. I'm Professor Feller." This girls face went completely white and she just murmured out this shaky "Really?" He nodded and she just says "I've been going to the wrong class this whole semester."

Insert Clever Title Relating to Content Matter Here

Yea. It's finals week. I have an ever-expanding list of things I need to be doing, and a heightening stress level, and yet I manage to be seduced by probably every single click-bait in existence. Just yesterday, instead of studying for finals, I read at least 20 articles online about how to study for finals. So very meta. I also spent about seven hours on youtube, watching funny videos about finals week (probably filmed by students who needed to be studying for finals). I don't know what it is about college students, but we do seem to be a population with the highest rates of patheticness-- this includes bored housewives, junkies, and homeless folks. There's nothing quite as demeaning and positively depressing about being a college student. Truly, if you're feeling crappy about your life, just go hang out on a college campus near the end of the semester and revel in all the 20-something's pain. I promise it'll make you feel a lot better about your level of efficacy. Seriously-- look at some of this stuff.

An Article all about things we do instead of studying
And another article
And another
Or how about an entire website about it?
Have about fifty billion videos too
And finally my favorite
... Not to mention the billions of other videos, articles, and memes to look at instead of working.

You just KNOW that last guy had finals to study for. I would like to add here that I personally have 4 more papers to write, 3 Final Exams, and 2 Huge Projects to complete before next Wednesday. And yet, here I am. Mocking the thousands of college students doing the exact same thing I'm doing. A part of me wants to fight against my apathy and become this amazing "Finals Week Crusader: Protector of GPAs and Scholarship Requirements!" But most of my being is content with melting into the demographic of pathetic, self-loathing, procrastinating college students. Surely the violent fight between apathy and fulfillment in comparable, if not more noble, than Hamlet's classic struggle between To be or Not to be. To study or Not to study-- that is the question!

Mean Reds

I'm feeling really down today. I had a hard time sleeping last night as well as the night before, and of course that makes it so hard to concentrate. There are just 3 more weeks of the semester until summer break starts, which is encouraging. These 3 weeks feel like they will last forever, though. It's like I'm in a tunnel (forgive the cliche simile) and have been traveling for about a billion years, and I keep expecting the tunnel to end. "The tunnel is ending soon" everyone says to me, so I pick up my feet and go faster and faster until I'm running, and still the end doesn't come. "The tunnel is ending, Violet, keep going! Go go go! You can't stop!" and all I want to do is stop.
The older I get, the more quickly time seems to pass. December used to be such a trial, waiting 25 whole days until Christmas. Months felt like years. But I'm older now, and all the good things go by so fast, while the bad last for such a painfully long time. Like waiting for Christmas.
I've been trying to figure out what it is that's bothering me so. There's always so much going on in life, of course, so it can be hard to keep track of what's going on (if that makes any sort of sense). I've been working through a terrifically crappy breakup, which seems to be the root of how I'm feeling. Then there's everything on top, with the health problems of my grandparents, and my jobs, and just... there's so much to do. There's literally always something I'm supposed to be doing. Anyways.
I'm sorry about the complaining... I've caught a flu sort of thing and have had this migraine headache thing for, like, a month. How I've been feeling reminds me a lot of Breakfast at Tiffany's, and how Miss Golightly has a whole monologue about the "mean reds". I'll attach a video. (For the record, Breakfast at Tiffany's is my favorite movie.)

I do have some really good things going for me, of course. Like is always a rather confusing mix of good and bad. I'm thinking of applying for some freelance writing jobs; I feel like I could really excel at that. My uncle has offered me a job writing articles for his business, making as much as $50 an article, so that's encouraging! I'm doing fair in all of my classes; I have mostly Bs and obviously would prefer As, but I'm told that most Freshmen struggle. My English 2260 told me that her Freshman year, she had pretty rotten grades, but the next year she aced every class. Apparently you just have to get in the swing of things. Finally, I got an A+ on this massive writing project for that class, and was told that I really do have potential as a professional writer-- even a novelist!

“Be someone recognised for having a beautiful heart. So when you leave, that memory of you lingers.” — Mufti Menk

Easter Treats

Today I spent some long overdue time with my mother and made possibly the cutest Easter cupcakes ever. We used a melonballer and formed a hole in the middle of each cupcake and put little surprises in there-- jellybeans, sprinkles, flower candies-- and then we decorated the tops with green coconut (as grass), flower sprinkles, and peeps. They came out looking superb and tasting even better.

Tiny Beautiful Things

Easter is undoubtedly my favorite holiday. Its always been a sign to me that winter is over and school is winding down, and I always get this overwhelming sense that everything is going to be okay. Winters are so hard for me, and I tend to lose sight of pretty much everything. This fog falls over me and I get lost in how sad I get. But springtime, springtime is the time for freedom and renewal. It's bright and soft and somehow gentler and it's so much easier to feel like things will turn out alright in the springtime.
The other day I was telling my dearest friend about how excited I was for Easter Sunday and she seemed confused. She pointed out that I'm not particularly religious and that Easter is all about Christianity (like most other popular holidays). As I began to explain to her why I love Easter the way I do, I realized that it runs so much deeper than just loving the change in weather.
When I was a kid, we would always meet up with my dads side of the family for the big holidays. Easter, obviously, was one of these. Grandma had MS and was sick all the time. I can't recall a single time seeing her standing up. She was also the sweetest person in the world. She seemed to be happy with her life and always took time to notice the little beautiful things of the world. She'd lay in her bed and just watch the birds outside. She was lovely. Easter was particularly special though. If she was feeling well enough, my dad would help her into a wheelchair and grandpa would push her outside; she would watch all the kids running wildly about her yard searching for eggs. While grandma always had a smile, I think she smiled especially sincerely those days.
So I guess the biggest reason I love Easter is I vividly remember grandma sitting outside in the sunshine, smiling brighter than day. Thinking of her makes it easier for me to find the tiny beautiful things around me, but it's especially easy around this time of year.
Happy Easter everybody.

Social Attitude Test Results Take #2

A couple of years ago I took a quiz to determine my Social Attitude. Since quite a bit of time has passed, I thought it would be fun to retake the quiz and see how I've changed. Here are the results:

Progressivism: 100
Socialism: 81.25
Tenderness: 53.125

Your test scores indicate that you are an open-minded ultra-progressive; this is the political profile one might associate with a university professor. It appears that you are skeptical towards religion, and have a pragmatic attitude towards humanity in general.
Your attitudes towards economics appear socialist, and combined with your social attitudes this creates the picture of someone who would generally be described as a humanist.
To round out the picture you appear to be, political preference aside, a kind-hearted realistic centrist with many strong convictions.

Emerging Adulthood

I recently starting going to college and there is only one thing I can really say about it: It's infinitely better than high school, but also infinitely harder. What's incredible is how liberating it feels to me to have so much to do all the time. You'd think that always having a mile-long to-do list would be stressful (which it is, I suppose) and feel like a cage, but to me it really doesn't. When I was in high school, all I ever really had to do was school stuff, but now that I'm in college there's so much more depth to my life. I have a job to go to and bills to pay and groceries to buy. I have a million papers to write, and quotas to fill at work and family to take care of. I honestly love being this busy. It makes me appreciate my free time a lot more than I ever did before and while being on the brink of adulthood is paralyzing, I'm starting to feel like I can really do it. Hopefully this confidence in my abilities continues...