Sweater Exchange

In my entire life, I have never had a friend who wears the same size clothing as I do. I'm not exactly what one would call "skinny". In fact, I'm quite the opposite. Kind of chubby, and pretty short. Not a great combination for the classic beauty. I used to watch my friends switch clothes. Wear each others shirts, and jeans, and tank tops. I was so jealous. I felt that in some mystical way it would draw me closer to my friends. A short of promise that we'll stick around. There's a movie called Practical Magic. 2 sisters were very close, but very different people. One was quiet and conservative, while the other was eccentric and and what you could call "boy crazy". At the beginning of the movie, the young, boy-crazy sister was running away with what she was convinced was her "soul mate". As she departed in the middle of the night, the two cut their hands open and grasped hands. This was a sort of bonding thing that some girls do. Like blood sisters. I always thought that exchanging clothes would be something of the sort. I hated that I was too fat to change clothes with any of my best friends. This year, however, I finally found a girl, a good friend, who's the same size and shape as I am. We are also surprisingly alike in personality and issues. We exchanged sweaters the other day, and I love it. Like a dream come true. Perhaps I should proclaim her my "Sweater Sister".

Fear Factor

I have come to the conclusion that I am a wee bit of a b!tch. There have been a few "incidents" where this became evident to me, but one sticks out in my mind. About a week and a half ago, I came to orchestra a little bit late. I immediately got out my violin to begin but soon realized that I was ridiculously out of tune. Since I was late, I hadn't gotten the chance to help tune the other kids in the class, nor myself. See, having played the violin for several years now, I am far above the new students in the class. I had been planning on going into the advanced class, but scheduling conflicts arose and I settled on being an aid of some sort in the beginning orchestra. I would help out with tuning, finger placement, notes, and strings. After getting out my violin and bow, I moved to one of the soundproofed practice rooms to tune with the piano in there. About 3 minutes later when I exited, I couldn't find my bow. Being passionate abut music I naturally started to panic. I retraced my steps throughout the classroom, and even back into the storage closet where I keep my instrument. 5 or 10 minutes later, I still couldn't find it. By now I was on the brink of tears. How could I have lost a bran-new $70 bow?? I started walking around the class, whispering to fellow violinists. "Have you seen a bow anywhere?" "Did you borrow my violin bow?". I was trying so hard to be mature about it, but still, I wanted to throw a big fit in the middle of class. I imagine myself sitting on the floor like a four year old, balling for my mommy (or in this case my bow). That led certainly attract more attention, and possibly motivation for action to find the bow. I picture sending out a full-fledged search party. With hound dogs and muscled men dressed in old fashioned raincoats and jackets. We'd find a single horse hair draped across a a tree in a long forgotten forest, and the hound dogs would pull at their leashes, guiding their masters toward an accessory to my most prized possession. "Calm down, Violet. Calm down." I continue my search in the music room. Eventually, I came to my least favorite person in the room. The most obnoxious, egocentric person I have ever met. Lets call him "Jason". So I ask "Jason". "Have you seen my bow, anywhere?" He gazes up at me with a poorly arranged look of clueless on his face. My anger flares, but I mumble my mantra "Calm down," I stretch out my vowels for added affect "Caaalm doown. . . " With only a moment having passes I looked at him skeptically. Disbelief etched in my voice I replied. "Really." Suddenly, something strange struck me. "Where's your violin?" He struggled for words as I continued to stare him down. "B-b-broken. I put-t it away just a minute ago." "Uh-huh." A moment of silence passed, and suddenly he half-halfheartedly began a new act. "Wait a bow? You mean, like a violin bow?" "No Der" I think. "Well, I saw one, I minute ago. I think. Maybe. Actually, yes." An enlightened look crossed his face in fake realization. " It was on the floor, and so I picked it up and put it in my case when I put my stuff away." The last straw had been pulled. Lightening streaked the ceiling and furious thunder echoed in the classroom. My face was like the Mount of Doom. "What?" Saying I was merely upset, or angry or frustrated would be a drastic understatement. Saying I was aggravated, or furious still would be an understatement. There is no word in existence to describe my anger. It could have parted the Atlantic. It would have moved entire mountains. It would of dried up the Salt Lake. His face straightened in fear. I grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the hall. For 15 minutes I yelled, b!tched, screamed, lectured and guilt-ed. People passing marveled at my anger. Normally, I'm a really patient, understanding person. I never really get angry, and I definitely never scream at some random kid in the middle of class, in the middle of the hall. It was unheard of! When at last I was finished, the kid was at the brink of tears. Watching him stagger back into the music room holding back tears was almost enough to feel bad for the kid. And here it dawned on me: I am a b!tch.

Before it's too late

In my internet travels, I came across this great site called PhotoBlip. It's great, really. Basically, people share various photos and quotes, and everyone else gets to look at them. Sounds stupid, but some of the photos are really incredible, and many very funny. There is this one photo I came across. It is of the rain forest, a view from above. The trees are formed into the shape of the lungs. The bottom right "lung" is brown, and dead. The title of this moving picture is "Before it's too late".

I let it sink in for a moment, and found myself marveling at the ignorance of the human race. We all know that trees give us oxygen, help balance our planet and our wastes. We all know that the rain forests are all ancient and magnificent, with trees that took centuries to grow and reach their full potential. We all know that hundreds of living creatures and plants live there, and only there. We know that by chopping it down, all those species, discovered an undiscovered, will die. And still. . . I'm just saying, we need to stop, before it's too late.

Pro Choice

So, I've noticed that a lot of people believe that abortion should be a choice for the mother. I've heard supporters of abortion refer to themselves as "Pro Choice". Now personally, I think that abortion is wrong. But here me out, okay? Whenever they say "Pro Choice", my mind is always drawn to the fact that the fetus WILL grow into a thinking, functioning human being. And I always think, why can't the baby have a choice? Now this sounds silly, because how can a fetus tell us "hey! I want to live, give me a chance to choose!". But, I do think we should all consider what the baby would want. Obviously, the child would want a chance to live, so why can't we consider that before we abort? I fully understand that in a lot of circumstances, the baby would be a huge inconvenience. The mother would have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to give birth. Money, doctor appointments, pre-natal vitamins. Yes, I get all this, and I understand not wanting to change your lifestyle in order to raise a child. But I feel like people never really consider being birth to a child and giving it away to adoptive parents. I'm sure that a lot of couples unable to have children would be ecstatic to provide compensation for all expenses. For all your doctors appointments, and vitamins, and ultrasounds. So why won't woman give up just 9 months of their life in order to let an innocent child live. humans are naturally selfish people, when we were first developing, we had to be. But now, we should be able to make personal sacrifices in order to promote life. We can show the better side of human nature, just my stopping to consider other people, and evaluate exactly how significant a sacrifice it would take to improve another persons life. When you really think about it, I think you'll find that sacrificing just 9 months in order to give a couple the child that couldn’t have themselves, allow another human being to continue living, and affect hundreds and thousands of people in the future. All this just by giving your unwanted child up for adoption, rather than scraping them out.

Stats

So I've been looking at some of my stats. They are all really very low, but I noticed that the posts that get the most views are those that are more meaningful, or even controversial. So, I've decided that to get more people reading my stuff, I should talk less about me, and more about the world, and possibly what I take of all it. At least until I have a better audience. Well, this is just a boring post to notify possible viewers that I will try to make this more interesting. :D

DaVinci

I thought I'd post some pictures of my school. :)

So this is our school courtyard. We play games like frisbee, capture the flag, and ninja attack there. We also have some tables and chairs there to eat lunch outside when the weather is good. It's a pretty good hang out spot, as long as the weather is good. When the weather isn't as good, though, we have what we call a breezeway, with lots of windows and couches. I think once we even held a dance there. It'd not really very big, but neither is our school population, so we don't mind. I think, all in all, we have around 4or500 students here. Mind you, that's just a guesstimate.

This here is a quick drawing of the front exterior of the school. Really quite beautiful, I think. See, a few years ago we expanded into a junior high, as well as a high school. So we have 7-12 graders now. Since we added so many student spots here, we obviously needed more space. So we bought part of the right-hand side of the school. We also built new walls in what we now call the "Old school". We were forces to build classrooms out of what used to be the big hangout spot, the commons. A lot of us were pretty upset by that, but I guess it was for the best. Now we have a gym, and space to develope into a theatre, once we have the money. We also gained the breezeway, which is kinda cool. The school has more money now, so we also get better equipment. Still, I do miss the commons. Anyways, I would highly reccomend anyone in Ogden to look into the school for their kids. Our full name is DaVinci Academy of Science and the Arts. We are actually a really good school, and a lot of people who don't really fit in anywhere find a good home with us.

2011-2012 School Year

So a new school year is upon us all. My school year begins in a little less than 2 weeks, on August 22. Even though I still have time for a summer in the sun, here I am, sitting at school. See, I commited to go to our school's Yearbook Camp. To be perfectly honest, I was really, really excited to go, but now I'm not so happy about it. It's not the class that is bothering me, but rather those attending. Now, I must sound like such a jerk right now, so let me elaborate. Yesterday was the first day. As I already established, I was very excited.However, as the day moved on, I obviously was not welcome there. The other students attending had already been in the class for a full year, as well as went to the Snowbird Yearbook Seminar. So, I guess the group had already bonded, and there was no room left for "outsiders". So, in an attempt to be better accepted, I made a big decision involving my 10th grade year in high school. I took on yet another extra class. Please keep in mind that I had already enrolled in all AP core classes, as well had several other challenging electives. Let me paint you a picture: Ap Biology, AP World Civ, Pre AP 10th English,Ceramics2, and Orchestra. And those are just the classes I enrolled in willingly. Lets try not to think about gym or health. . . Anyways, so yesterday in a desperate attempt to be accepted, I took on publications as well. Now I am enrolled in English3 (That's 11th grade English online. Then, I should add on my online computer technology class, and an online medical anatomy class. Plus sports. This year, I am planning on joining the swim team, and practicing volleyball. And school plays. And advanced choir. And drivers ed. On top of EVERYTHING else. Like dishes, and vacuuming, and wiping toilets clean. And then a job, so that I can buy handy things like friends. Just kidding, just kidding. I only say that, because I have no friends, at least not any who are going to school with me. So, I know it is really obnoxious for me to complain to who knows how many other people who have their own lives and problems. I just. . . I don't want to tell my parents, because I want them to feel like I can handle all of this, and I want them to be able to trust me. But if I go ahead and tell them about all this, plus everything else, I imagine they would encourage me to do less, but I want to, idk, prove myself to them. Because in all my years (which really isn't that many) I feel like I haven't been up to snuff. I'm not exactly skinny, and I'm not paticularly smart. I'm pretty much just a big burden to everyone around me. I'd really like to show them I can take care of myself this year, or at least begin to. I want them to know how hard I try, without acting like I have to try hard. As if that makes any sense. I guess, in a nutshell, I want to be perfect for them. God knows i have my flaws, but I wish everybody else didn't have to know about them. So here I sit, complaining and ranting to some random people, who I'll never meet. Or maybe I'm ranting to no one. I don't know. I very seriously doubt anyone actually ready my blog, but it's nice to pretend there are people out there who hear (well, see) my words, and understand. So, I guess that's about it. I imagine I'll get through it, eventually. It's not like a lot of schoolwork can kill me, right? Anyways, I'll keep my invisible and potencially non-existant audiance posted. :D

31 more days, and I will finally be 16 years old. I know it must sound corny, and stupid, but I have been counting down to my 16th birthday since I was about 6 years old. I have always pictured going to sleep a doky, ugly 15 year old, and awaking smart, beautiful, and 16!! For me, it just seems like a landmark in a persons life. First, you are born. Next, your 5 or 6 and starting school. Then 12 and moving on to a new stage in your life. Middle school, pre-teen days, ect. And then, 16 years old. In high-school. Old enough to date, drive, make up your own mind. You start making big decisions for your future. Like what college you'll go to. What classes you'll take. Even sometimes what school you will go to. To me, it seems like the first steps in becoming a self-suffciant adult. So, I am really truly excited. I'm excited to be in 10th grade, and taking AP classes. Taking tests that determine the quality of my future. I'm excited to get a job, and begin to support myself. Step-by-step of course. Also, I'm planning on getting my drivers licsence soon, and driving all over the place. And finally, I'm excited to date. I must sound like every other boy crazy 15 year old, but dating, I think, is a big step in becoming an adult. Meeting new people, and learning about them. And in the grand scheme of things, finding someone to marry and settle down with. Anyways, to the point. There are 31 days left to go to my 16th birthday, and hopefully it'll begin another awesome chapter in my life. Next important birthday: 18. 2 years and 31 days until I am a LEGAL adult. :)

Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse is a growing issue in not only the U.S, but the entire world. I wrote this poem about it, attempting to make a statement, and bring about a change.

She wakes up, and stares at the ceiling .
Early Sunday morning, late Saturday night.
The phone rings, and echoes through the corners of her broken, empty mind.
Just a moment of noise, and silence engulfs her again
A second in the real world.
A hundred thousand in her mind.
A harsh voice enters the stage. A warm, loving tone lying to her.
"I'm so sorry."
The vibrations so loud
they shake her mind, her body, her soul.
Her ears ring, and her broken body shivers in expectant pain.
Agonizing screams blend with flashing lights.
The room spins, the windows bleed into the walls.
Into the floors.
Her heart knows it's wrong, an illusion.
But still.
Her stomach turns at the whispered phrase.
"Forgive me, please."
Her soul screams and rages within her as another phrase
echoes through the frozen night.
"I do."

Ben Folds

I wanna ask you
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me anything)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen.
We're
Damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the fuck would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

(You don't know me,
you don't know me.)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is
What (What?)
I'm trying to tell you
It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it.
(Say it.)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

My Own Henry Thoreau

The grass is a fading brown, burnt at the tips with vibrant orange. Specks of black dirt surround the burning grass. Miles above the sky mocks the weather report with dark clouds crowding in the middle of the sky, eager to escape the blue edges. The clouds try to hold the raindrops in, but drops fall through, like sand through your fingertips. The air whips about in sharp, cold blasts-shooting frozen chills down your spine and through your feet. It blows the green,wet leaves on the tall trees above you and beats against the steady trunks. Some leaves flutter to the cold ground in shades of yellow and red. Bird calls echo in the mountains, accompanied by steady footsteps. Almost reverent whispers surround you. Mist rises from the distant mountaintops, floating gently to the heavens. Every few minutes, thunder crashes in the skies and lightning follows with white, silent flashes. The wind strongly blows, seemingly trying to outdo the thunder. The leaves shake in fear, some fall to the hard ground. The clouds finally give up and let the silver raindrops fall. The dirt quickly turns to slippery mud, and swallows the fiery grass. The dark clouds seem to intensify, angry that the rain is falling. The cold wind stills for moments at a time, but comes back with all it’s vigor. The once steady trunks drift from side to side, dancing with the falling drops. The leaves silence, and the outcasts begin to fall faster, but are quickly swallowed by the slippery mud. Wings hurry to some shelter, and the only echoes now is the steady rain beating on the muddy floor. Suddenly the rain stops, leaving the forest dimmer then before. The cold seeps back into you, and now all you can hear are the steps behind you and the whispers of the audience around you. The sun begins to come out of hiding from behind the dark clouds, and the forest around you begins to recover.


The grass is a fiery blade below you.
Above, the dark clouds loom and seem to
frown upon the solemn earth below.

Stray drops fall from the sky,
But no one knows a storm is nigh.
Nothing can know what is to come.

The trees stand firmly in the ground
Though the winds are howling like a hound.
They bite and nip at all around.

Shaky leaves flutter far down,
They find shelter beneath the trees thin crown.
Brightening the forest ground.

Distant calls echo all around,
Reverent whispers here are found,
revering mother nature’s performance.
Thunder crashes
And lightning flashes.
Terrifying sounds pound off the mountains.

Colored leaves fall as steadily
As the pounding rain, readily
The dirt turns into mud and swallows all the bright.

The wind howls fearfully,
Screaming through the skies, nearly
Outdoing the thunder and getting louder.

Instantaneously, all the screaming stops.
The pounding halts and the flashing cuts.
An erie silence sets over the forest.

The sun peeks out from it’s hiding spot
and the bleak clouds clear somewhere the light’s not.
A revering silence echoes off the mountains.

Just moments pass and the forest’s recovered
White light streams where the clouds once covered.
Leaving the audience stunned, the performance ends.

You LIAR

You lied to me.
To my face.
You looked me in the eye
And swore
“I’d Never!”
But now I know who you are
What you are.
A dirty
Rotten
Backstabbing
Egocentrically
Hypocritical
LIAR.
Did you know,
That I trusted you?
That I cared for you,
Like a sister?
Did you know,
When you lied,
That I thought we were friends.
I thought we MEANT something to each other.
Apparently not.
Because liars don’t love.
They can’t.
Or they won’t.
You.
You are a
dirty
Rotten
Backstabbing
Egocentrically
Hypocritical
LIAR.
But do you know what else you are?
You’re my friend.
Still, you’re a liar.

Sweet 16

Okay, So I realize that I have already posted today, but I would just like to state how Psyched I am to turn 16! That will be in about 82 days. I'v been waiting for that day ever since I was a little kid. For some reason, I've always felt that that's when I would finally feel "grown up". I'd imagined feeling mature and, I dunno, Cool. Maybe it was the promise of high school, school dances, and dates. Or maybe an idolized vision of shiny, new cars and drivers licenses. But really, now I have no idea why I've been so excited for this for so long. But I still am. Excited that is. I have this feeling that my life is going to turn around then, and I'll finally feel like someone worth being with, but really I don't know. I'm sure I'll remain the same Violet I am and always have been, but still I feel some magical transformation coming on. I guess I'll just have to wait
2 months, 3 weeks and 1 day to find out.

Me. Mi.Moi.

Hi. So I'm Violet, obviously. I like to write and read, and I like hanging out with my buddies. I can get really obnoxious, and I hate it when I do stuff without thinking, which is a lot. People will tell me i'm boy crazy, but really im not. At least I prefer to refer to it as "interested in possible future opportunities." But really I just like guys. Umm, I used to be smart, but then I turned 15 and got stupid. I cant spell, and I suck at math. which is fine with me 'cuz I hate it anyways. I have a lot of my own "isms" which tend to weird people out a lot. Im semi-outgoing, but mostly just scared of showing my true spirit. I love little kids, but have trouble knowing what to do with them. I love people, but again, get uncomfortable about what to do and how to act. I'd like to think im open minded, but Im still working on that. i play the violin, technically im mormon, but im looking into other religions. i like singing and dancing, and pretty much most music. except country. :p i like talking (obviously) but i love writing. i think thats cuz i love making up my own worlds, and thinking up other ways my life could have gone: good and bad. Umm. . . i have ridiculously curly hair, but thats cool, and i like to help people. im actually planning on going into the medical field, so i can really make a difference in the world. and if i can do that in my life, i think i'll be okay. :)

Strawberry Fields

You know that moment in your life where everything you ever loved and believed in is shattered in front of you? Like when someone "bursts your bubble". My experience today was not nearly so drastic, but hit me pretty hard. My friend and I got together today to work on some English homework. After we did some work, we watched a movie called "Across the Universe". The movie is based on a series of Beatles songs. For example: all of the characters are named after Beatles songs: Lucy, Jude, Matt, Sadie. It's a good movie, but revealed a new reality to me. The Beatles were just as stoned writing their songs as any other band. This nearly broke my heart. I've always held the Beatles in very high regard, so glad that they were one of the few bands that stayed clean and actually wrote some decent songs. But, apparently, most of their songs lyrics make no logical sense. Unless of course, you happen to be on LSD or meth. I do suppose there are a few things I can learn from this:
1. People aren't kidding: drugs whack you up pretty bad. Just listen very closely to some Beatles lyrics and you'll see what I mean. 2. One shouldn't hold people in too high of regard. Everyone makes mistakes. And everyone should know this. However, when someone you love makes a big mistake and you find out about it, you are completely broken and hurt beyond belief.
And then there is one thing that was confirmed for me from this movie.
1. No matter how it can be glorified, war is not and will never be a good thing. Ever. That I know, for sure. Absolutely NO doubt.
Anyways, I guess I ought to have found this out earlier, but at least I know now. And I still love the Beatles. Maybe not their choices in life, but I still love their songs. No matter how high they were when the songs were written.
Strawberry fields forever. . .

Sickness

Recently, a friend of mine introduced me to a band entitled "Disturbed". I am hooked. It is strange, however, that I could love heavy metal so much. I've always tried to be a bright, happy person. I love ridiculously bright colors, and I love to laugh and smile. Seems pretty girly and sunshine-y to me. But somehow, whenever I hear this music, I just feel happier inside. When I'm down, or angry, somehow this furious, dismal music cheers me up. Along with my obsession with Disturbed came Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace, and Breaking Benjamin. But this all started with one song. "Down with the Sickness". Here's a piece, but really you have to listen to the song to even begin to understand how the song really goes.

Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes (oh no)
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me

I can see inside you, the sickness is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
It seems that all that was good has died
And is decaying in me

And when I dream. . .

Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up come on get down with the sickness
You f***** get up come on get down with the sickness
Madness has now come over me

There is a section of the song that features a boy being beaten by his mother. Yeah, I know, horrible. ( I would post it, but the language gets pretty bad. Look it up, if you'd like). Now while this is a very touchy subject to talk about, this song features it
so. . . honestly.

"Down with the Sickness" may be heavy metal, and I'm lead to believe that many are intimidated by the seemingly evil, heartless singers, but in the lyrics, you can feel the emotion, and the terror. Especially during the beating. At first, the singer is apologetic and terrified, but as his mother continues to hurt him, he becomes self defensive, and eventually violently angry. What I'm wondering is, can you blame him?

Many blame violence on gory or vivid video games, but I am lead to believe that much of the violence seen in teenagers and young adults today is caused by repressed fear, hatred, and even painful memories. Perhaps Nintendo and Xbox are being blamed for the insensitivity of parents. And perhaps this repressed terror goes back further. Maybe parents abuse their children because they were abused themselves as children.

I believe that if the nation as a whole became fully dedicated to ending abuse parent-child relationships, we could, by extent, end ALL abusive relationships as well as teenage violence. Just something to think about. . .