Sensation

Do you ever get that feeling, like the whole world is rushing around you, while you are standing still?
Do you ever get a sudden wave of courage to say something you've been meaning to for the longest time, but get cut off?
Do you ever speak gibberish around the person you like, and then kick yourself later for being such an idiot?
Do you ever sit awake at night and wonder about your life, and think about past mistakes and opportunities you never got up the courage to take?
Do you ever get that sensation when your head filled up with helium, but your feet are tied down by sandbags? That you could just soar away right then, but something holds you back from speaking your mind or fulfilling your dreams?
Do you ever wonder about the people in the cars in that traffic jam? Their names, their life stories, their likes and dislikes?
Do you ever feel like there is no point anymore?
Do you ever feel like the person you love most doesn't love you back?
Do you ever think: "Why would anyone ever love me?"
Do you ever wonder what peoples life would be like if you weren't around?
Do you ever get the feeling that the entire world is running and rushing and worrying about something that really doesn't matter?
Do you ever wish for an endless moment?
Do you ever pray for that one person to realize they are madly in love with you, but then realize yourself that you don't actually like them?
Do you ever loose faith in humanity?
Do you ever beg your family to give you the chance, but when they finally do, you don't know what to do with it?
Do you ever not know what to say when the perfect opportunity to say something arises?
Do you ever rehearse saying that something to that someone, but when they ask you, or when it happens, you can't remember what to say, so you just stand there like an idiot and stare into their gorgeous brown eyes and feel like a fool for doing it when they wave their hand in front of your face and ask you if you are okay?
Do you ever just want to let go?

Do you even know what I am talking about?

Who cares?

Screw the system. I am me and I will continue to be me no matter what anyone else thinks.

Uughh . . .

I just read about 70 pages in my English biography. Ew. I have the strangest feeling that I'm never going to finish this assignment- oh that 'cuz I'M NOT! But 'ya know, what can you do? Apparently nothing. I am just another slave to the system. I'm not special and I'm not different from anyone else. And it's no use fighting it. People will just smash you down every time you stand up for yourself or you try to do something different. Oh and your not in charge of your own life, because you will be taking commands from other people for the rest of your life so you better just get used to it now. I want to be special and different and myself- but it's apparent that that's never going to happen. Oh, and mom or dad, if your reading this. It's not all you- it's my teachers, my friends and my enemies. It's everyone. It's all around us. It will never stop and it will never back down. Society will forever expect you to act and look and think like everyone else. And there is nothing you can do about it, is there? I am stuck in a world that thinks that generalizations are good- and that what you should do needs to model after every other person. So I guess I'll just go to bed and have a couple nightmares about school and singing and life. Goodnight.

New Week

I think I have mostly gotten over my blues, or as Holly Golightly would say: "Mean Reds" A new week is about to start and I have a strange feeling that it's not going to suck. I guess all I needed was a break, and Lagoon did at least that for me. I really need to do more things like that if they cheer me up this much. . . I guess getting about 13 hours of sleep last night helped too. Thank you lagoon, and that you bed. :)

Skool maks u leern thins

Four more weeks of school. I can't make it- I cannot last 'till June 8th. At least not silently all the time in a certain class. . . Yes- the dreaded history. Apparently I'm really disrespectful all the time, though I never get an explanation and they never give a chance to EXPLAIN why I was late. How can they expect me never to be late when there are NO BELLS!? How retarded is that? Sometimes I wonder why these people are teaching us. . . . And then language. Ewww. . . We're "learning" german. That means that the teacher gives us four worksheets a day and tells us to figure it out. In silence of course, because how inappropriate would it be if we actually spoke the language or if she actually taught us the stuff? Then ceramics. I love clay. I love the teacher. I don't love the seventh graders. It would be an amazingly fun class, if the sevies didn't run around with the tools, broomsticks, and clay. Seriously- they wrestle each other down to the floor and cover everyone in clay. They also throw it. Like snowballs. They also crack "that's what she said" jokes every other sentence. Seriously. "Sit down and stop throwing clay! Right now!" and then, in unison "That's what SHE said!" and a torrent of laughter fills the room. And then they throw some more clay and the cycle begins again. . . If only my high school didn't have seventh graders. . .

I repeat- four more weeks of school. I cannot make it. I cannot last until June 8th. . .

E.W.W

I. HATE. HISTORY. SO. MUCH. You know what else I hate, art. And now, I must combine them into a 100 frickin' point assignment!! Why?!??!? Why me. Now this project must represent 4 months of research. How am I supposed to do that within 9 panels?? So for it, I decided to make a quilt. Sounds reasonably fun, right. Well, since quilts are relatively hard to make, and the things due next Wednesday, mom decided "lets make it 9 squares." So, yeah, that sounded awesome. So I draw up my plan (note- PLAN, like a rough draft) on paper. Cool. Spent two hours on it. Okay, sure so I guess I'll just work some more on it tomorrow and make it better quality. Right? Apparently NOT. So now I have to search for better pictures (because I can't draw) and mess with the poems more. This is so frustrating!! And I implore you again, How the crap am I going to represent 4 months of work and research in a 9-square quilt?? I could do it in, say. an 18 square quilt, but that is impossible. May I say again: The thing is due next WEDNESDAY!!! The 6 page paper I wrote (yes, I expanded it again) was due today. Now, this thing id due Wednesday, on top of English literary analysis journals, and science CRT's and a fish made out of clay (that has to be 1. Realistic and 2. Hollow), and about 1/2 a billion more things- like math homework every night!! In short, I am screwed.

School.

School today. Jeez, I can't wait. I love where I go but lately it has really sucked. But that was the past 3 weeks. Who says today won't be amazing? (I do) Anyway, it helps to count down. 4 more weeks of school! That's one month!! 8 days after May is gone, I am gone!!!! :D


I don't think I can last that long. . . .

Bedtime!

At last! History report edited, re-edited; typed and re-typed. Printed over and over again. . .

Now the final is printing, the other prints are going to the recycle, and I am going to bed. :D

History. . .

Blaugh. . . I hate history, but I have a huge paper worth 100 points due tomorrow. So I wrote the 5 pages, but I have to edit and re-do. And did I mention that I did all the footnotes wrong, so I have to re-do those too??


Ugghhhhh. . . .

Prom

So, Prom is today. But not for me. For like every other person in my family. Today is stay home, read book, bake cookies day for me. Maybe even practice the violin. It could be anything BUT have fun and go to prom. This is going to be a long, lonely night- again.

First Time

Okay, so this is my first time blogging ever, but I'm excited to start. Blogs have always looked like a mysterious and exciting new adventure to me- and I am all for adventure. :) How I will fit blogging into my life, I do not know, and I guess only time will tell . . .